Take a moment and listen to what you're saying to
you. What sort of messages are you sending to yourself? How would you feel
if I said those things to you?
Negative Self-Talk
I'm willing to bet that most of those
self-messages sound something like:
- I'll never get it all done!
- I always screw things up.
- I don't have enough time!
- I wish I had (or hadn't) said xxx
- Why does this always happen to me?
I'm also willing to bet that if I said those
things to you, you'd be pissed, and rightly so.
Most of us come to a 12 Step Program not liking
ourselves very much-often
with good reason. After all our addiction, whether to alcohol, drugs,
gambling or other destructive behavior led us to do all sorts of things to
ourselves and others. Sometimes our negative actions were
overt, sometimes less so, but we knew, at some level, we were wrong.
As we begin to get honest with ourselves
through the Steps, we often shudder with shame as we come to understand the
damage we've done.
These feelings of guilt actually
signal the fact we are beginning to take responsibility for our actions... and
beginning to re-build our self-worth.
Practice Self-Respect
One simple definition of
self-worth is self-respect. It's a sense of well-being and the knowing that you
not only have a right to be here, but, by your presence, you are making a
positive contribution. The overwhelming chances are you are already making a
positive contribution; it's also likely you're not giving yourself any credit
for it.
A
major part of
getting to that place where your skin fits is getting in the habit of giving
yourself credit for the things you do well. This means replacing negative
self-talk with positive self-talk. For example:
- I'll never get it all done! can
become, Gee, look at everything I've gotten done so far.
- I always screw things up might
turn into I blew that one, but I also did (a positive thing)
- I don't have enough time! can
turn into Everything that needs to be done will get done.
You get the idea. Learning to replace the
negative self-talk with positive messages is a matter of establishing new
habits. First we have to actually hear what we're saying to ourselves, and then
replace that with a positive message. It takes time and practice, but it's worth
it.
Love, peace and
abundance,
